” FRUSTRATION IS THE RESULT OF ALL THE SURPRISES I GET”

I just can’t handle surprises…maybe it’s just me but it really freaks me out and it gives me a shock attack whenever i hear one of those. Especially when the person’s making fun of me then pisses me off in purpose and at the same time saying “HEY CHIPMUNK! I GOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING LATER AND ITS A HUGE SURPRISE! YOU’RE GOING TO FREAK OUT ONCE I SPIT IT!! OH YEAH, IM GONNA MAKE YOU CRY!haha!……….(urggghhh…)

Or even saying it in a nice way doesn’t change anything…

Good surprises are cool but saying it in a “NOT SURPRISING WAY” is better.

You may wonder why this post is written in English. Oh well. I just got a SURPRISE just a week ago i guess, from my English teacher saying that I’m the…i’m the..(wait for it) …new…(wait for it) …COLUMNIST OF OUR SCHOOL’S ENGLISH PUBLICATION!!!!!!!!!! and OBVIOUSLY I WAS LIKE “what the…WHAT???!” okay okay..maybe i’m too over acting but cumon’ guys.. I’m not a writer. I’m not good in making articles or whatever they are. That’s at least what i think. I write because I got crazy stuffs in my crazy mind. I just write what my mind can think of, but if it’s an on the spot writing, OH LORDY my mind’s not moving. And now it’s my problem what article shall i submit and how to even start it with an attracting thought?! What topic can be interesting enough for the students not to get bored, and what the heck people are going to react when they read my article especially that I’m not a trained writer?! MY WRITING FOLLOWS NO RULES. It doesn’t even have meaning sometimes and gets really annoying haha. I use writing as my expression so whatever i want to say, even if it hurts people, even if nobody cares, even if nobody would read it, I write it or I should say, I blog it!

SEE.. THAT’S THE FRUSTRATION I WAS TALIKING ABOUT!

watch watch!! HE’S SOOOOOOO AMAZING !!!
HE CAN SING THE BOY PART AND AS WELL AS THE GIRL PART!!!!!!!!!

“PROBLEMS….are like leeches that crawls into your skin and freaks the hell out of you and never ever leaves you..they follow you everywhere..they’re creepy…creepier than the Thriller music video which is also one of my major problems in life! OH GOD!!”

NOW …INTRODUCING…MY SO-QUITE-COOL SUBJECTS AT SCHOOL!!..(i regret saying that)

(magtatagalog nako…may limit kasi yung english ko baka sabihin nila”im crossing the line”.)

English...sabi nila boring to’…Pero ito ang pinakapaborito ko sa lahat ng subjects ko..halata naman diba? kasi ito ang inuna ko. Hindi ako nabobore sa english kahit gaano pa kaboring ang teacher. Pramis!! Yung mga iba galit sa English dahil magaling sila sa salitang kalye at chismis. Kung gano sila kagaling mag mura, mangbastos, magyabang at mangchismis, ganon din sila kaboblacks sa English. Kaya galit sila sa english..hindi nila maibuga ang mga mura nila.

Science.. Mejo gusto ko lang ang science…kasi naman yung ibang branches na nito, marami nang formulas at numero. Nakakadugo. Biology ang pinakagusto ko dahil buhay lang ng palaka at gumamela ang inaaral dito.Di tulad ng iba. Naku! maraming formulas at covalent bonding! Naks talaga! Makikipagtanan nalang ako kay Anaphase at Prophase!

Economics..Nakaktuwa ang subject na to..lalo na pag nasa klase ka namin..at sa tingin ko ako palang ang nakaka pansin ng mga pangyayari tuwing economics namin…dahil mula sa topic naming incomes, GDP, businesses, micro economics, taxes, martial law unemployments, government at billion billyong utang ng pilipinas eh mauuwi ito sa pagkakaroon ng highblood, at sakit ng ulo ng mga estudyante. Yung mga iba akala mo tutubuan ng tumor sa puso…..dahil lang ito sa galit, puot, hinanakit at sama ng loob sa mga kakurakutan ng mga pulitiko at kasakiman ni Gloria na dahilan ng pagkakaroon ng “unemployments”, EVAT, at pagbabagsak ng ekonomiya ng Pilipinas at utang sa world bank( you get the connection? )! Yung tipong handa na kaming mag rali sa EDSA sa sobrang galit namin..reklamo dyan reklamo dito…..Lahat ng sama ng loob namin nailalabas sa economics..kaya masaya!!

CHRISTIAN LIVING...christian school ang school ko kaya may subject kaming christian living..Hindi panget magkaroon ng subject na to dahil matututo kang maniwala na kahit kasing lungkot at kasing boring mo ako at feeling mo wala kang kwentang tao eh may Diyos paring nasa tabi mo..May Diyos na tutulong sayo. LUKE 1:37 ” For with God nothing shall be impossible “ Tandaan mo yan. Kahit anong oras posible kang mamatay!

Filipino..HUMANSIMO,, NATURALISMO, EKSISTENSYALISMO, BIOGRAPIKAL, MATERYALISMO, KALSSISISMO, ROMATISISMO, SEKSISMO, RASISMO, IMAHISMO,  at kung ano pamang mga “sismo” ang meron sa mundo,.. yan ang mga mga pananaw at pilosopiyang pinag aaralan namin ngayon sa Filipino. ..Kaya mo bang pag iba-ibahin yang mga yan? ako hindi. Dahil yung mga iba, di ko na ma-alala.. Hindi ko nga alam kung bakit namin pinag aaralan ang mga yan eh ni isa naman samin hindi ina-aply ang mga yan sa buhay namin. Yung mga iba naman pinaniniwalaan lang pag recitation na! … Basta ang alam ko masama ang racial prejudice at diskriminasyon!!

T.L.E…..PAGLULUTO!!!!!!! yan ang habol namin sa TLE. Pero pag ibang topic na.. ewan ko lang kung may hahabulin pa kami…basta syempre ako hindi naiinip!! basta hindi boring ang teacher, laging may group activity, dramatization, advertizing at stretching bawat minuto!

MAPEH...xempre lahat ng student mahal na mahal ang mapeh! pero yung iba…P.E lang ang habol….. pagdating sa music..wala nang nakikinig, at pagdating sa arts…mangingiyak ka na dahil ilang oras na ang nakalipas hindi ka parin naguumpisa  sa obra mo na hindi mo alam kung pano umpisahan dahil sa totoo lang ni oblong hindi mo magawa ng perpekto!

COMPUTER....ignorante ako dito…

MATH...Kung gaano ako sumasaya sa piling ni English, ganon naman ako kalungkot sa piling ni math!..gusto kong tumakbo papalayo sa kanya pero hinihila ako pabalik. Wala akong magawa dahil kung hindi ako babalik..babagsak ako sa periodical exam ..na lagi kong iniiyakan pag gabi sa sobrang antok!!! BANGUNGOT! Asar na asar ako sa MATH! Ewan ko.. Bored ako kahit bibo yung teacher..hindi naman masungit yung teacher pero hindi parin ako enthusiastic! mahina talaga ako sa pagmememorize ng formula at lagi kong nakakalimutan ang legendaring “2,999 ways on how to factor an equation”!! Waaah!! Yan ang pinakamatinding kaaway ko sa eskwelahan..NAKIKIPAGSABUNUTAN AKO JAN para lang hindi ako antukin!

YAN ANG MGA SUBJECTS KONG COOL!! wala akong alam kung wala sila!! Sila ang tagapagtanggol ng EVAT!

The photo is the pulitzer prize winning photo.

The Picture depicts a famin stricken child crawling towards an united nations food camp, located a kilometer away.

The vulture is waiting for the child to die so that it can eat it. This picture shocked the whole world. Nobody knows what happend to the child Including the photographer, Kevin Carter, who left the place as soon as he tookthe photograph.

Months Later he commited suicide due to depression and conscience.

This was found in his diary.

“Dear God. I will never waste my food no matter how bad it can taste and how full i may be. I pray that He will protect this little boy, guide and deliver him away from his misery. I pray that we will be more sensitive towards the world around us and not be blinded to our OWN SELFISHNESS AND INTEREST.

-I hope this would be a reminder to us that we are so fortunate…we are so lucky!! we eat 3 times a day but people in some other parts of the world, are starving and are minutes away to be the vultures meal. If you could look closely at the photograph…you can imagine how hard the child is trying just to survive… and people saw it..but because of their selfishness and unlimited wants..they ignored it.. Now who could tell…What happened to the child?? do you think he crawled a kilometer and survived??…………………………….. I dont think so….

isang araw, sa park, nagpakita si satanas sa isang religious fanatic.

religious fanatic: sa ngalan ng aking pananampalataya, layas, satanas! layas!

satanas: hmmmkei. wichelles ko knowing ateng na sayo pala itong park.

xXx

kaya mga shofatidz, kung lyka nyong mag-escaflage ang mga bad juju, say nyo lang kay satan na mag-chenalar varga veklavoo, wiz wa na anik anik. hmmkei? hmmkei.\

(hindi ko to gawa…gawa to ni utak munggo)

PWEDENG MAGTAGALOG??

“buti pa ang alphabet nakakagawa ng equation, and equation ba nakakagawa ng sentence??  “  - ROBERTO ONG

> nga naman!! nakaka asar talaga ang mafhemafics!!

I HATE MATH!! Don’t laugh!

metro station is soooo my favorite band!! i lab their songs very much and talk about hotnessssss!! they are soo hot!! Here are some infos of the band and some images toooo!! And plus, the band’s drummer is a filipino!! YEAH! I’m proud. Hope he’s proud! Haha

(They’re burnin’ up!)

…And yes, I’ve got a  huge crush on him (down), TRACE CYRUS!!

METRO STATION

In 2006 the mothers of Trace Cyrus and Mason Musso introduced them to each other on the set of Hannah Montana which stars Mason’s brother, Mitchel, and Trace’s sister, Miley. Sharing musical interests, they decided to form a band.^[3] Shortly thereafter, Cyrus recruited Blake Healy from Synthetic Joy as a keyboardist, synthesist, and bassist. Cyrus remained the singer and the lead guitarist. Musso became the group’s main singer and rhythm guitarist.

Metro Station soon gained the attention of drummer Anthony Improgo, who was later added as the band’s drummer, after the group released the song “Seventeen Forever“, on their MySpace Music website. Musso sang lead on the track. The group’s popularity on MySpace Music grew, and the band eventually topped the MySpace Music Unsigned Band’s charts.

Metro Station was discovered by an intern working for Columbia Records‘ Walking Eye program, after the intern discovered the band while looking through the MySpace Music charts and the group was signed shortly thereafter.^[5]

In the July 2007 issue of music magazine Alternative Press, Metro Station was listed as one of the “22 Best Underground Bands (That Likely Won’t Stay Underground for Long)”.^[6]

Metro Station released their self-titled debut studio album in September 2007. The album had two singles released, “Kelsey” and “Control”. Although both singles failed to make the charts, with higher sales of the album both became more popular. It wasn’t until mid-2008 when the release of the single “Shake It” grabbed the band a significant amount of commercial exposure, peaking in the top-ten of three US charts. The song peaked at #3 on Hot Digital Songs, #9 in the Pop 100, #10 in the Billboard Hot 100 and peaked at #20 in the Hot Dance Airplay chart.^[4] The success of the song also affected album sales, the album charting nine months later in 2008 at #43 in the Billboard 200, #1 Top Electronic Albums and #2 in the Top Heatseekers.^[7]

The group has toured with numerous bands such as Panic at the Disco, We The Kings, Boys Like Girls, Valencia, Cobra Starship, and Good Charlotte. Over the summer Metro Station toured as one of the special guest acts along with The Maine for the Soundtrack of Your Summer Tour 2008^[8] a tour that was co-headlined by Boys Like Girls and Good Charlotte. The band toured with The Veronicas on their “Revenge is Sweeter” tour across Australia and New Zealand in Feb 09. While in Australia, they recorded a new music video for the song “Wish We Were Older and released it on NineMSN on April 4th 2009. The band also opened for other groups such as Simple Plan. Their fall tour (Disco Balls and Blow Up Dolls) was a success and their opening acts were Cash Cash, Tyga, and The White Tie Affair. They will participate in the Believers Never Die Part Deux Tour.

(wikipedia)

TRACE.MASON.BLAKE.ANTHONY

Another boring day…It’s a very boring day…

WORD OF THE DAY: DEFENSE

Haha.I watched the NBA finals a while ago and, oh ginger snaps! Lakers won again with a 3-1lead over Magic !! What the heck!! Hope the Magics would cope up!! Watching the first part of the game was ok..Orlando was the lead and I really thought Orlando would win the game then at the 4rth quarter!! They had a draw and had a 5 minute overtime and that’s when the Lakers made moves!! and yeah lakers won, beating the Magics 99-91 to open a 3-1series lead.

AWWWWWW!!!  (hope. hope. hope.)

ntroduction - The Black Dahlia Story

Elizabeth Short has been portrayed many ways in the six decades since her body was dumped in two pieces on an empty lot in Los Angeles: Manipulative playgirl. Aspiring starlet. Naïve cock tease. Troubled soul.

Black Dahlias body, covered

Above all, time has immortalized Elizabeth Short as the pin-up girl of Los Angeles Noir. The Black Dahlia. Fascination with her life, and especially her death — her gruesome, violent, unsolved murder — continues to this day.

The story of the unemployed 22-year-old waitress has inspired dozens of books, Web sites, a video game and even an Australian swing band. The quest to pinpoint her killer has become a hobby for generations of armchair detectives. And this fall, Hollywood will recast her tragic plight in a star-studded Black Dahlia movie.

Elizabeth Short - the Black Dahlia

The Los Angeles Police Department has all but given up hope of ever closing the Dahlia case; the department has more urgent crimes to investigate, and the killer has likely been dead for years. Yet, it is precisely the unsolved status of Elizabeth Short’s murder that gives it such an enduring allure.

We need to emphasize here that the case is so cold, the information so musty and bungled, that it’s difficult to get a lucid picture of Elizabeth Short’s brief life, much less her grisly death. The Crime Library will not attempt to solve the Black Dahlia murder in these pages, but to simply relate Short’s story based on the most unbiased, accepted facts available, including historical newspaper articles and law enforcement records, as well as contemporary literature.

n the morning of January 15, 1947, a housewife named Betty Bersinger was walking down a residential street in central Los Angeles with her 3-year-old daughter when something caught her eye. It was a cold, overcast morning, and she was on her way to pick up a pair of shoes from the cobbler.

At first glance, Bersinger thought the white figure laying a few inches from the sidewalk was a broken store mannequin. But a closer look revealed the hideous truth: It was the body of a woman who’d been cut in half and was laying face-up in the dirt. The woman’s arms were raised over her head at 45-degree angles. Her lower of half was positioned a foot over from her torso, the straight legs spread wide open. The body appeared to have been washed clean of blood, and the intestines were tucked neatly under the buttocks. Bersinger shielded her daughter’s eyes, then ran with her to a nearby home to call the police.

Black Dahlia’s (Elizabeth Short) body found in vacant lot

Two detectives were assigned to the case, Harry Hansen and Finis Brown. By the time the duo arrived at the crime scene — on Norton Avenue between 39th and Coliseum streets in Los Angeles — it was swarming with reporters and gawkers who were carelessly trampling the evidence. The detectives ordered the crowd to back off, then got down to business.

From the lack of blood on the body or in the grass, they determined the victim had been murdered elsewhere and dragged onto the lot, one piece at time. There was dew under the body, so they knew it had been placed there after 2 a.m., when the outside temperature dipped to 38 degrees.

The victim’s face was horribly defiled: the murderer had used a knife to slash 3-inch gashes into each corner of her mouth, giving her the death grin of a deranged clown. Rope marks on her wrists and ankles indicated she’d been restrained, and possibly tortured.

LAPD Detectives Harry Hansen and Finis Brown with Elizabeth Short’s Body

By measuring the two halves of the corpse, the detectives estimated the victim’s height to be 5′6 and her weight to be 115 pounds. Her mousy brown hair had been recently hennaed, and her fingernails were bitten to the quick.

After calling the Los Angeles County Coroner to retrieve the body, the detectives were left with a daunting assignment: finding out who the woman was.

According to newspaper reports shortly after the murder, Elizabeth Short received the nickname “Black Dahlia” at a Long Beach drugstore in the summer of 1946, as a word play on the then-current movie The Blue Dahlia. However, Los Angeles County district attorney investigators’ reports state the nickname was invented by newspaper reporters covering the murder. In either case, Short was not generally known as the “Black Dahlia” during her lifetime.

A number of people, none of whom knew Short, contacted police and the newspapers, claiming to have seen her during her so-called “missing week” between the time of her disappearance January 9 and the time her body was found on January 15. Police and district attorney investigators ruled out each of these alleged sightings, sometimes identifying other women that witnesses had mistaken for Short.^[3]

Many “true crime” books claim that Short lived in or visited Los Angeles at various times in the mid-1940s; these claims have never been substantiated, and are refuted by the findings of law enforcement officers who investigated the case. A document in the Los Angeles County district attorney’s files titled “Movements of Elizabeth Short Prior to June 1, 1946″ states that Short was in Florida and Massachusetts from September 1943 through the early months of 1946, and gives a detailed account of her living and working arrangements during this period.

Although popular belief as well as many true crime books portrayed Short as a call girl, a report by the district attorney’s grand jury states that she was not a prostitute.

Another widely circulated rumor holds that Short was unable to have sexual intercourse because of some genetic defect that left her with “infantile genitalia.” Los Angeles County district attorney’s files state the investigators had questioned three men with whom Short had sex,^[4] including a Chicago^[5]FBI files on the case also contain a statement from one of Short’s alleged lovers. According to the Los Angeles Police Department’s summary of the case, in the district attorney’s files, the autopsy describes Short’s reproductive organs^[4] police officer who was a suspect in the case. The as anatomically normal. The autopsy also states that Short was not and had never been pregnant, contrary to what is sometimes claimed.

The D.A.’s files contain the following:

Doctor Schwartz last stated that he studied surgery and that victim was on the make for him but that she was the patient of Doctor Arthur McGinnis Faught who was treating victim for trouble with her bartholin gland and that he wanted nothing to do with her. He stated that the bartholin gland was the lubricating gland in the vagina and that Doctor Faught had lanced it on several occasions and it could account for the fact that she had not been having intercourse with men.^[6]

Suspects

The Black Dahlia murder investigation by the LAPD was the largest since the murder of Marion Parker in 1927, and involved hundreds of officers borrowed from other law enforcement agencies. Because of the complexity of the case, the original investigators treated every person who knew Short as a suspect who had to be eliminated. Hundreds of people were considered suspects and thousands were interviewed by police. Sensational and sometimes inaccurate press coverage, as well as the nature of the crime, focused intense public attention on the case. About 60 people confessed to the murder, mostly men, as well as a few women. As the case continues to command public attention, many more people have been proposed as Short’s killer.

(trutv.com, wikipedia.)

TORTURING TEACHERS 61

(It’s A BAD THING TO DO SO FORGET IT. THIS POST IS JUST FOR FUN!!)

1. Every time the announcements come on say”Oh No! Not the voices again!”
2. Eliminate verbs from your vocabulary
3. Have giant coughing or sneezing fits
4. Since schools have outlawed gum. Get everyone to chew gum one day. Then at a
certain time, you should ALL blow a bubble and pop it. At the same time.
5. Every time they turn around, play charades with someone on the other side of
the room.
6. Every time they start to talk, yawn really loud
7. Ask stupid questions that have nothing to do with what they’re teaching (e.g.
Why do dogs have wet noses?)
8. Play catch with a friend across the class
9. Say “Guess what?” and when they say “What” say “Chicken butt”
10. If you’re late, quote Tolkien: “A wizard is never late. Nor is he early. He
arrives precisely when he means to.”
11. Say to the teacher, “Excuse me, but I don’t get ANY of this. If you could just
start over from the beginning-say, September?”
12. When they say “who” say “whom” even if it’s wrong.
13. Always raise your hand for every question, then, when called on reply with
something like “Sorry, I lost my train of thought.”
14. Run in and yell FIRE!!!!! Or TORNADO!!! Or TSUNAMI!!! Or LANDSLIDE!!!!! Or
EARTHQUAKE!!!!! Or VOLCANO!!!!! Or RHINO!!!!! Or WAR!!!!! Or FLOOD!!!! Or CHEMICAL
SPILL!!!!! Or THE SKY IS FALLING!!!! Or ASTEROID!!!!! Or HURRICANE!!!!! Or IT’S
THE END OF THE WORLD!!!!!
15. Sit in the front desk, where your teacher can see you. Then, just start
scribbling in a notebook. When your teacher asks you, “What are you doing?” Reply
by saying, “I’m drawing. Shouldn’t you be teaching instead of looking at what I’m
doing?”
16. Steal all the white-board markers and replace them with ones that won’t erase
(CHAD: Again, don’t get caught.)
17. Organize a rousing chorus of “100 bottles of beer on the wall…”
18. If the teacher asks a question, jump up and down yelling “Pick me, pick me!”
and act as if you’re going to die if they don’t call on you. Once they do, answer
with “Orange”
19. Say, “Wait…could you repeat the last…half-hour? I wasn’t paying
attention.”
20. Tell a substitute teacher that “Today is my last day!” get away with anything
you like and of course if they start to try and stop you, put on a sad face, if
that doesn’t work then burst into fake tears
21. Turn in homework written in Spanish
22. Say “Seven days…” in a creepy voice.
23. Shout really random things in the middle of class. (E.g. Chow Mein, Cookie,
Bubble, Cow, etc.)
24. If they say “GET OUT OF THE ROOM NOW” just walk dead slowly and act like
you’re not bothered. That will get them annoyed, oh, and if she says “GET OUT OF
THE ROOM NOW” again, say “Ok, ok, god, I’m going”
25. When the teacher asks you a question say “I’m sorry the brain you tried to
reach has been disconnected please leave me alone and try again later, thank you.”
26. Point at the wall and start laughing for no reason.
27. If assigned a 2000-word paper, draw two pictures of what the paper was
supposed to be about. After all, a picture is worth 1000 words, right?
28. Loudly tap your pencil to the tune of Jeopardy during a test.
29. Loudly tap your pencil period.
30. If you have a retractable pen, click it really fast.
31. Write the words; “I hate school” in permanent marker on your forehead.
32. Make paper signs and go on strike because you are overworked and “underpaid”.
33. Address your teacher as “boss”
34. When your teacher is yelling at you say “Yes Sergeant (insert teacher’s last
name here)” Or “Sir/Ma’am yes Sir/Ma’am”
35. Keep raising your hand. Every time the teacher recognizes you, go, never mind.
36. When the teacher asks you a question ask her/him to repeat it. Constantly have
them repeat it, and then say, “Still can’t hear! I think I’m deaf!
37. Cry in class for no reason. When the teacher asks you what’s wrong, go, “I
don’t know!”
38. When he/she asks you a question, start babbling about something else, and then
at the end say ‘And that’s why nuclear physics is worse than Biology’
39. If a teacher calls you to their desk to talk to you about something or sends
you out in the hall and comes to talk to you about your behavior, after they say
one sentence say in an outraged voice “How dare you say that to me (insert
teacher’s name here)!!!! You do know you could lose your job for saying things
like that!!!” then walk back to your desk.
40. When you’re sent to a chair away from someone for talking to them, start
talking to the people around where you were moved to, if you’re moved to a desk
where you can’t talk to anyone, talk to the wall! And if they send you outside of
the classroom, talk to the wall! It annoys teachers to death.
41. Write her a note that says “u hleepd my speling and grmamer so goode!”
42. When writing an essay, poem or story write about how pointless it is
43. Present them with a “Most Boring Teacher Ever” award
44. On the last day of school hug them & say “Finally!! Now I’ll never have to
deal with you again!!”
45. In class, especially if you sit on the front row, make a drawing of the words
School Sucks on your paper
46. When the teacher turns on the overhead projector scream. “AHHH! MY EYES!!”
47. Start a wave
48. Switch seats every 3 minutes
49. Run to the window and say, “Sorry, I thought I saw the bat signal.”
50. Make animal noises and deny doing it.
51. Answer every question with a question, and reply to every statement with,
“Why?”
52. Read everything out loud, in a British accent
53. Use Internet Shorthand and similes in all of your papers
54. Speak and write only in Pig Latin - claim it is your native language
55. Spend the whole lesson trying to lick your elbow
56. Write every essay backwards. Bottom to top, right to left.
57. Whistle random songs as loud as you can. If you can get different sections of
the class to each whistle a different tune, it really annoys them. (TROY: A tip
for this one, if you really want to annoy them, whistle the most annoying song you
can think of. Examples: Mini Wheat’s commercial song, Jeopardy theme, Chicken
Dance, you get the idea.)
58. Hand in a paper where every word is misspelled
59. Make a footprint on the back of one of the pages. When questioned by the
teacher, act like it’s nothing unusual. After all, he did tell you to include
footnotes.
60. Make your paper one long, never ending sentence that goes on for pages and
pages and pages; use a lot of semi-colons, commas, and other interesting, rarelyused
punctuation marks but never ever end the sentence.
61. COME TO CLASS! (LOL)
—————————-

TROY AND CHAD’s how to torture your teacher.

———————————————

How to Torture Your Sister!!

• SHE ate her jelly doughnut at lunch. You saved yours. It is now
two hours later:
Sit down next to your sister on the couch. Put the jelly doughnut
on a napkin in your lap. Leave it, untouched, until she asks you if you
still want it. Then begin eating. “Mmmm. This is soooo good.” Take a
large bite and chew with mouth open so she gets a good view. Swallow
and run tongue over lips. “Mmmm.” Stick tongue in jelly center and
wave it around in the air before pulling it back in mouth. “Don’t you
wish you had some?” Take tiny bites. Lick fingers in between. “Boy
. . . there’s nothing like having a jelly doughnut in the middle of the
afternoon!” Pop last bite in mouth and pat stomach.

• WANDER into the room when she calls a friend on the telephone.
Pick up a book and sit down on the couch. Pretend to read,
then mimic her as she begins her telephone conversation.
Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? Wha’d you do today? Wha’d
you do today? What? Wait a minute, my sister’s driving me crazy.
Would you cut it out. Would you cut it out. You dirty creep.You dirty
creep. Stop repeating me! Stop repeating me!I’ll kill you if you don’t
stop!I’ll kill you if you don’t stop! I said STOP!I said STOP! STOP
IT!! STOP IT!!

• SHE is eating peanuts. Whisper in her ear, “You can turn into an
elephant if you eat too many peanuts. I read it in the World Book.”

• FOLLOW her everywhere.

• IMITATE her best friend talking. Say that her best friend is
fat.
•

TALK to your mother while your sister is listening: “Do you
remember Christmas when I was three years old and you gave me that
stuffed animal? That was so much fun.” Turn to your sister: “You
weren’t alive.”

• YOU are in bed with the flu, watching television. She has been
told to keep out of your room so that she doesn’t catch it, too. As she
walks by the door, stare goggle-eyed at the TV: “Oh my goodness!
That’s incredible! I’ve never seen anything like it in my life! I can’t
believe it! Wait till I tell the kids at school.” Do not remove eyes from
set, staring in amazement. “I wouldn’t miss this for anything! I really
don’t believe it.” Look at your sister. “What?” Move over on the bed.
“Of course there’s room for you.”*
*Delia Ephron, How to Eat Like a Child (New York, NY: Penguin USA, 1988).

Today’s Quote: Having a sister means having one of the most beautiful
and unique of human relationships.
Today’s Verse: Isn’t her younger sister more attractive? (Judg. 15:2).

THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ABSOLUTELY NOTHING

Blink wildly and then close your eyes really tight for an interesting light show
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
See a variety of blobs, stars and flashes. Try to make out shapes and see if your subconscious is trying to send you a message (perhaps that funny shape is saying, ’send all your money to urban75.com’?)

See how long you can hold a note
(Amusement Potential: 4-20 minutes)
Not that much fun, but it sure passes the time. Play with a friend, or try to beat your own personal best. Inhale deeply and then try and make a noise for as long as you can. Earn extra points for making your partner laugh or ending on an amusing note.

Try to not think about penguins
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
This is especially hard, because by trying too much, you remember what you were trying to avoid thinking of. If you try too little, you end up thinking about penguins anyway.

Use your secret mind power
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Pick a passing by and try to use your mind power to command them do something, like drop their bag or knock into someone. The law of averages dictates that sooner or later one of your mind commands will come true, so you can convince yourself that you really have super human powers and waste even more time trying them out.

Pretend you’re a robot
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Walk down the street with mechanical movements, adding ‘zzzzzt’ sounds with each motion. Pretending to have a motor broken in, say, your left hand can add at least 30 seconds more entertainment.

Scratch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Go ahead, scratch yourself now. Even if nothing itches, go ahead. Doesn’t that feel pretty good?

Rate passers by
(Amusement Potential: 10-15 minutes)
Secretly award passers by marks out of ten as you go along, offering (unsaid) expert criticism over their clothing, hairstyle and footwear choices.

Repeat the same word over and over until it loses its meaning
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Pick a random word out of a magazine and say it aloud to yourself until it becomes a meaningless set of noises.

Pinch yourself
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
What is pain? Why is it unpleasant? There’s nothing physical about it - it’s all in your mind. Plus, after pinching yourself for awhile, boredom will seem nice next to being in pain.

Try to swallow your tongue
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
There’s not much to say about this one. It is possible, but really stupid.

Pretend to be a car
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Make appropriate revving noises in your head as you walk along and add a racing commentary as you pass strangers in the street. Use blinking eyes as indicators for extra authenticity.

Make Star Trek door noises
(Amusement Potential: 1-2 minutes)
Stand by an electric door to a bank or something and make that silly “Scccccccchwop” sound heard whenever people popped on to the bridge to hang with Captain Kirk.

Look at something for awhile, shut eyes, study after image
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
Another great time waster. It takes about 30 seconds of staring to create an after image, and the image is then viewable for about the same length of time. Fun to combine this one with pushing on your eyes.

Get yourself as nauseated as possible
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Best achieved by looking straight up and spinning around. Try to be so dizzy you can’t even stand up. This is also entertaining due to the “makes boredom seem a lot better” effect (see “Hurt Yourself”).

Invent a weird twitch
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Adopt a bizarre twitch (e.g. flicking your head irregularly, twitching with eye or busting out sporadic cough noises) and try it out when you go shopping.

Make a low buzzing noise
(Amusement Potential: 15-30 minutes)
Hours of fun in libraries! Keeping a totally straight face and looking nonchalant, make a low pitch humming/buzzing noise and see who reacts.

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THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH VERY LITTLE

See what’s in your neighbour’s rubbish/trash
(Amusement Potential: 20-30 minutes)
You can learn a lot about people by what they throw out. You might uncover some dark secret about them. Plus, they might be throwing out something with value that still works, like a VCR or some porn mags.

Watch TV, repeat everything said in Italian accent
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Sort of entertaining. Include flamboyant shoulder shrugs for added impact, or go for a Marlon Brando set of grunts.

Send spooky emails
(Amusement Potential: 15-60 minutes)
Look up someone’s CV on the web, do some research on them via Google and then send them an email full of personal references claiming to be an ex-work colleague who fell in love with their shoes. Or something.

Play our useless games
(Amusement Potential: how long have you got?)
Waste away the hours with our collection of useless games

Make prank phone calls
(Amusement Potential: 20-60 minutes)
Very entertaining, but requires discipline. Remember - vulgarities don’t make a call funny, but getting the other person to believe a ridiculous story will. Try seeing if you can get them to make noises to ‘test’ the line. One to get you started off: Call McDonalds with weird complaints about their food.

Pretend all humans will die except for people in room with you
Amusement Potential: 10-20 minutes)
What would you do if this really happened? Would the group stay together, or would there be factions? Who would join what group? Remember, there would only be power for a few days before the plants ran out of fuel or broke. To travel, you would always have to be near cars to siphon gas out of. Best to do with people you know.

Step off a curb with eyes shut, imagine it’s a cliff
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
To get any benefit out of this one, you have to have a good imagination. Don’t step off immediately, build up to the jump. Study the ravine below. Feel the winds at that altitude. Step off and…AHHHHHH!!!!!

Try and sound Welsh
(Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
The key to sounding Welsh is to make sure that your voice goes up at the end of the sentence, so that everything sounds like a question. Throw in a superfluous ‘isn’t it?’ at the end of everything you say and you’re halfway there. Isn’t it?

Burn things with a magnifying glass
(Amusement Potential: 5-30 minutes)
Ants are always fun to use for this, but burning the face of someone you don’t like, under some circumstances, can be just as entertaining.

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THINGS YOU CAN DO WITH ANOTHER PERSON

Have a water gargling contest
(Amusement Potential: 5-10 minutes)
Put a glassful of water in your mouth and see how long you can keep gargling for. Award yourself extra points for loud and amusing gargling noises, and minus points if you laugh.

Stare at the back of someone’s head until they turn around
(Amusement Potential: 2-5 minutes)
This works on the “I have the feeling I’m being watched” principle. Conduct an experiment-does this really work?

Have a “Who is less competitive” competition
wonder (Amusement Potential: 1-3 minutes)
Trying to win at this will make you lose. Trying to lose makes you win which makes you lose. Not trying at all makes you lose which makes you win which makes you lose.

Pick up a dog so it can see things from your point of view
(Amusement Potential: 3-5 minutes)
Think about it: your dog has only seen the house from a viewpoint from 6″ to 2′ high (15 to 60 cm for all you metric fans). It’s never seen the tops of counters, what you keep on your desk, the tops of shelves, etc. Try looking at things from its point of view, too.

Pull out a hair, stick in someone’s ear
(Amusement Potential: 1-5 minutes)
Best done to sleeping people. Added challenge in having no one else around, because then you can’t blame it on anyone else. Try to beat your record number of times before the person catches on.

Pour water in hand, make sneeze noise, throw water on back of person’s neck
(Amusement Potential: 5-15 minutes)
Always a good gag. For an even bigger reaction out of the person, act like you’re not sorry at all for what they think you did. Comment instead on how big that sneeze was or about how there was a lot of mucus in that one.

DISCLAIMER: Obviously, a lot of these suggestions are really dumb things to do, so don’t take them seriously.

And whatever you do, don’t be as stupid as this halfwit from New Jersey who mailed us this: “we attempted your ‘water drinking contest’ we drank 48oz of water each in about 7 min, and 3 seconds later we were puking uncontrollably all over the kitchen. how dare you put this on your web site its very dangerous and health dangering. legal action may take place since you have no warnings on your site explaining you are not responsible for out comes of ”useless games’ or the possible risks. please contact me back so we can settle this matter with out involving the law. “

http://www.urban75.org/